I don't really like it. So it's my senior year in high school and I'm about 2 or so months away from becoming a legal adult. Um, what? I didn't sign up to become an adult so early. I still freak out at petting zoos, for crying out loud! I don't even have my freaking driver's license yet! I know my mental attitude wont change the day I turn 18, but it's just...people wont see me as a kid. I'd feel wrong with calling myself a kid.
I've already ordered my graduation stuff too. I'm not saying I'm not stoked to get out of this school, but it's like, when did this happen? I've already got my college plans laid out. Dude, I'm going to have to leave home. I'm one of those odd teenagers who still has a really good relationship with their parents. I can't afford full blown college yet, cause by the time I get there, we'll probably have two other kids already in. Scholarships are certainly an option, which I will definitely be applying for, but I think I'd only have a shot at art scholarships, which aren't too plenty in the midwest. My mom works for Ivy Tech, so if I go there to start I get in for free. But money isn't my main concern then, it's the distance from home. I want to be near my dream college, but I'm going to miss my parents like hell, mainly my mom. I'm not saying I want them to take care of me; I've been taking care of myself since I was little when my parents were chasing after my brothers. I just really, really love my parents.
The whole 'You'll never see these people after you graduate' thing has sunk in, too. I didn't believe it before, but now it makes sense. Left and right my friends are getting accepted to places so far away, and I know they'll start laying down the foundations for their own lives when they leave. There are so many people I want to know for a long time, and I don't know how long that'll last.
I don't know. I'm 17 and already freaking out about getting old. I know it's not an instant thing, but I still feel like it's being pushed on me too fast. I'm not going to fight it, cause there's no way to and no point. I know it's going to come, and it just feels like big changes coming on too quickly. I always look to the positive side, and I know there are plenty in the future, but what do I do if I like how it is now? There are so many good things to come, but yet so many bad possibilities too. Gawd, maybe I'm freaking out for no good reason.
Now I'm going to take this journal in a polar opposite direction.
It's such a good time to be alive.
There's no drama in the class when everyone just stops caring with Senioritis. People aren't freaking out as much when they find out colleges don't actually care about your grades in senior year. I'm getting to know such great people, and for the past 4 months my life is just kind of going in such a weird and positive direction that I never knew about. Having a boyfriend is just so much more different than I ever thought it would be. So is being in love. Yeah, yeah, I'm one of those lovestruck teenagers. Don't rain on my parade, Debbie Downer. I've barely been drawing cause for once I've got something bigger on my mind. It didn't bother me at first, but when I try to draw it looks all weird and I think people on dA are probably wondering why I never update. It just feels so crazy to have such a connection with just one person. And to have someone who doesn't mind telling me out of the blue how much I mean to him when I don't feel like I've done anything at all. Or how just an innocent scratch of his arm or back or stroke of the cheek drives him nuts (it's pretty funny to watch, actually). I never knew what I wanted in a guy before, but he works. I wasn't even looking. Relationships in high school seemed kind of pointless, cause they so rarely ever work out for that long. KDJKGJFKGHf. He's just so great. And I tell him this quite frequently, but he always seems to deny it.
ANYWAYS. On a slightly lighter note? Getting my braces off within the next month or so. I stole Blake's (my boyfriend) coat, and I swear to jeebus, it's so comfortable. Fleece lined, baby. I found my learner's permit! It went missing for a few weeks. Slowly re-learning how to play piano.
Yeah. Um.